Absence of Life
by elitejace452
Summary: Alternate ending to 'Priority of Life'. It's not the 'happy' ending that the show had.  Sam/Jules. ONE-SHOT. Possible sequel in process.


A/N: Having a bad day, but I had a dream where there was a much worse ending for the episode… I love Jules, but I couldn't get this dream out of my head. I apologize for the grammar/spelling mistakes, I really didn't read this one carefully. Please feel free to point those out to me, but flames are not appreciated…

A/N 2: I am finished with Forgranted, Taken, and a few others, but I wanted to wait and make sure that's what I truly wanted the chapters to go, not my emotions coming through on the characters (i know that's part of fan fics, but i don't want to regret what i put up)… ((update on the chapters, i'm in the process of re-writing and getting ready to post finally! yay for no class, no stress, and no writers block!))

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><p>"You guys go, I'm already sick." Xavier made a gesture towards the door before throwing the useless gun in the corner, trying to appear as unthreatening as possible. He had gotten what he wanted and while he knew it hadn't been the right way to go about it, he had gotten answers. He knew all that was waiting for him was death. It didn't matter if it came sooner rather than later. The cop and the researcher had important jobs to do and were valuable members of society. He wasn't anymore.<p>

"No, you get out of here." Jules blinked hard, struggling hard to hold onto consciousness. She couldn't seem to get enough oxygen in her body. It was like she was being held underwater for too long and not given enough time to gather her breath. "My job is to get out of here safely." Sam was screaming on the inside, throwing a temper tantrum. Jules needed medical attention and all she could think of was priority of life.

"No, you need help now." Xavier protested. It was his fault that blood was gushing from the cop's arm and she was still trying to save him. "You go first!"

"No, my job is to keep you safe. Please?" Jules nodded her head towards the door, pulling herself into a half-sitting position. She hoped they wouldn't argue too much more, it was getting harder and harder to breathe, not to mention how much the room was spinning. She couldn't see very well anymore. "Just go." She half-whispered, nodding her head towards the door. Even injured, she had to do her job. The civilians came first, no matter what.

"Are you sure?" Xavier was torn between forcing her to go and staying behind or leaving. The pool of blood was widening quickly around her from the nasty gash in her arm. He knew she didn't have a lot of time left before she bled to death.

"Go." Jules let her head and shoulders fall back against the floor and hoped that she would feel Sam's arms around her soon. Her job was to protect civilians and that's what she was doing. She only wished that this was only a nightmare and Sam was about to shake her awake, with concern written all over his face. He would hold her close until it faded away and they'd fall asleep again together.

"_You do me proud, you just hang on."_ Sarge's voice echoed through her head as she watched the blurry images of the two men making their way to the door, to safety. She could see three other outlines at the glass partition and she knew that her team was watching her. She wished Sam could hold her right now. She knew Spike would be clutching her hand while Ed knelt at her head and the paramedics would come and take all this pain away.

Sam, Spike, and Ed's faces were all stuck in silent horror as they watched the blood continue to flow out of Jules body, helpless to do anything. The crimson stain kept spreading in an ever-growing puddle. Jules heart panged as she heard the click of the lock of the door. The two of them were leaving, perfectly safe. She wished that she was going with them. She knew if she didn't get out of there soon, she was going to bleed to death on the floor. If Raf didn't get the venting system up in the next few seconds, it wouldn't matter if she ever made it out of there and no one was prepared for that.

"Raf, hurry." Sam's voice was full of desperation. The woman that he didn't know how to live without was in there. If Jules died, he would wilt away. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, have children with her, grow old with her, not watch her bleed to death only a few feet from him. It was like some sick show that he couldn't turn away from. He wasn't sure how to be a person without her there.

"Almost there." Raf's fingers were flying across the screen. He knew that the life of his teammate was resting in his hands. He might have only known Jules for a few months, but she had made an impression on him. She was loving and caring. She had welcomed him in, even though the pain of their last teammate leaving was fresh in all of their minds.

"Jules." Sam's voice was filled with pain as he watched Jules eyes start to flutter shut before she forced them open. "Jules, stay with me. We'll be there soon." He pressed both of his hands against the glass, wishing that this was just the worst nightmare he had ever had and he would jolt awake, with Jules safely snuggled in his arms. He wanted to press kiss after kiss to her lips and feel her warm body up against his.

"Sam?" Jules eyes were starting to droop again as her body gave an involuntary shudder. Her body was going into shock from the lack of blood. She forced her eyes open again. She didn't want to give in, but she wasn't sure how much longer she could hold out. She could see the shimmery liquid that coated the floor around her and wondered how much more would leave before it killed her.

"I'm here. I'm right here." Sam pressed himself closer to the glass, willing himself closer. "Just hang on. Raf is gonna get the ventilation fixed and we're gonna get you out of there." Sam was pleading with Jules. She was so pale and they could all hear how painfully loud her gasps of air were. It was like a loudly ticking clock, reminding them as every second passed that Jules was running out of time.

"I love you guys." Jules whispered, her eyes starting to droop again. She hoped Sam would know that meant him too. She had wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. She couldn't stop the shivers that were taking over her body. She knew she didn't have much time left. The beeping told her that the levels were still rising and the constant warmth that gushed out from between her fingers told her she was still losing a lot of blood. She moaned as her eyes rolled back momentarily. She struggled for a minute before gaining control again.

"Jules, you're going to be fine." Spike fought back tears as he stepped closer to the glass. He couldn't bear to see Jules die. It was like Lou all over again. He was so close, but helpless to save her. He would trade places with her, just to see her not have to suffer anymore. She was his sister, best friend, and someone he knew he could always rely on. He had lost his other best friend when Lou had died. Jules had to be okay. She was strong. She was the strongest woman he knew.

"I love you guys." She repeated again, her lips felt numb. She was shaking more violently as she let her eyes fall shut. A small smile graced her face as the blackness of unconsciousness took away the pain, the arm that had been stemming the blood flow falling to her side.

"Jules!" The three men watching her screamed together. Sam felt his heart ripping apart. If Jules wasn't there to wake up with, then he didn't want to be here either. Sam pressed harder against the glass, willing his strength to her. She was so still. Spike's body was cold. He just wanted to collapse and clear this image from his mind.

"I got it!" Raf yelled triumphantly as he threw the switches that started the ventilation system. Everyone let out a small sigh of relief as they heard the generators whirl into motion. Sam felt like the decontamination unit outside of the door couldn't be moving any slower. At least Jules wouldn't spend the last few weeks of her life choking up her lungs, but if he didn't get in there now, she wouldn't make it that long.

"Get them out!" He heard Ed yell as the light on the outside of the door finally turned to green. Ed almost threw the two men out of the decontamination unit, letting Spike to slap handcuffs Xavier. Sam shoved past him, zipping his suit shut hastily as the door slammed behind him. Agonizing seconds passed as he waited on the door to lock behind him and the next door open.

"Jules." Sam's voice cracked as he fell beside Jules. She was still quivering, her body covered in sweat. He grabbed onto her arm, desperate to stop the blood from leaving her body. The blood flow was starting to slow. He knew she didn't have much time. He scooped her up into his arms. When the iciness of her skin seeped through his suit, Sam felt the bile rise up in his throat.

"Sam?" Jules eyes cracked open as Sam ran for the door. She let out a moan. The pain was overwhelming. She knew she wasn't going to make it through the decontamination chamber. "I love you." The words hurt to say. They were supposed to be said while cuddling on the couch, after a tough day at work, after a romantic kiss, or just to be a sweet reminder, spoken softly and with feeling. They weren't supposed to be forced out between pants for breath while bleeding to death.

"I love you too." Sam choked the tears back. He knew she was saying goodbye. "I love you so much." He didn't have time to tell her how much he loved her, how much she meant to him. It would take all the time in the world for him to tell her just how much she meant to him. He would never have enough time to tell her how she made his world light up, how getting up in the morning was easy knowing she would be there, and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

"Sam." Jules managed a small smile before her eyes fluttered shut again. Sam held Jules closer to him, trying to pass his warmth to her. He would roll up his sleeve and slit his wrist to give her his own blood in an instant. He felt her body relax underneath him and the panting gasps stopped. She stopped shaking and she let out one last sigh before going completely still.

"No, no, Jules! Wake up, baby, please, wake up!" He screamed in agony, tears beginning to fall. "Oh God, no, come back!" He pulled the door shut behind him and slid down to the floor, with Jules still clutched tightly in his arms. "Please, Jules, I love you. I love you so much." The door clicked, signaling they could leave, but he didn't move. His beautiful, wonderful, perfect Jules was gone.

"Sir?" The paramedics had to pry her from his arms to lay her on the gurney. He could feel it in the remains of his ruined heart that it was too late. "Paddles!" Sam winced at the sound of fabric ripping as they opened Jules shirt. He started to drift, Jules was gone. The love of his life was gone. He watched as the paddles connected with her bare chest and her body jolted as the electricity surged through it. He made his way to his feet and took a few wobbly steps closer to Jules. He had killed her. The realization hit him in the chest like he was the one being shocked by the paddles. He should have taken her first. He should have gotten her out and gotten her medical attention. She had been the more seriously injured and he should have gotten her out. He had killed her.

"Damn it!" Greg jumped from the table. He was shaking. Jules was the closest thing to a daughter that he had ever known. He had watched her blossom from day one. He had covered up her relationship with Sam because he had trusted they wouldn't put it in front of their careers. She had to make it. She couldn't die, not now. He watched the four team members who were there inch closer, all hoping against hope that Jules would open her eyes.

"Try again!" Ed's tone was so dangerously low that the paramedics just exchanged a look and shocked Jules again. Her chest arched as the charge raced through her body. They all looked expectantly towards the heart monitor, but the line remained unchanged. Sam let out a choked yell before collapsing to his knees. Spike stumbled back towards the wall and lost the battle to remain standing. Ed wasn't sure how he was supposed to react. He balled his fists and slammed them into the nearest wall, slightly satisfied with the loud crunch that came as the wall cracked under the pressure of his fist. Raf knelt beside Spike, numb, and give him a hug. Spike started to sob in Raf's shoulder. Raf felt like the emotions had left his body. He hadn't ever seen anything like that happen before.

"This is your fault!" Greg erupted as he spun away from his grieving teammates on the screen. He grabbed Toth by two handfuls of his suit and pulled him to his feet. "Sam was trying so fucking hard to appease you. Jules was the worst injured. She needed medical attention right away. She should have gone first! Priority of life does not apply in this situation but Sam knew you were watching!" Greg screamed. Everyone else who in the SRU had silently come and gathered around, but no one stopped Greg. "I quit. I can't do this job anymore." Greg shrugged out of his vest, letting it fly into the corner. He took his guns and belt and shoved it into Toth's stomach before storming from the room. He headed for the locker rooms, the gathered SRU constables moving out of his way. He quickly dumped everything he had in his locker into his duffel bag and stormed to his car, not even bothering to clock out.

"Jules?" Sam had to crawl to where the paramedics were detaching the electrodes and wiping the blood away. "Jules, baby. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." Tears were pouring down his face as he pressed a kiss to her cold forehead. He was the reason she had ended up like this. "I love you." He ran his hand through her hair, tucking a few stray pieces behind her ear. He removed the com unit from her ear and pressed a kiss to her lips. The paramedics backed away as he caressed her face and kissed her over and over while whispering 'I love you'.

"Sam." Ed's voice was hoarse as he pried Sam away from Jules body after almost twenty minutes. Sam fell into his arms and continued to sob. Ed looked down at his bloodied knuckles and wondered how this had happened. Jules shouldn't have died. This wasn't the ending that was supposed to happen. No matter how close they cut it, it was supposed to work out. Everyone was supposed to emerge a little worse for the wear, but okay. Everyone was supposed to go home at the end of the day.

"Don't do that!" Sam's voice cracked as he looked up. The paramedics were about to cover her face. The paramedic gave him a sympathetic look before tucking the sheet underneath her chin. Sam felt another pang of pain. She could almost be sleeping. She looked almost peaceful. "Wait." He slowly walked back towards Jules and dropped to a knee, pulling a small velvet box from his vest pocket. The diamond glittered even in the dim light. He let out another sob as he slid it on her ring finger. He would never know her answer. He knew his answer would always be yes if she would forgive him for not saving her.

"She would have said yes." Spike looked at Sam. "She told me." Spike dissolved into sobs again. He wondered if he would be able to do this job anymore. It had taken the two best friends he had ever known in his life. Sam's legs were so numb, he didn't know if he could move anymore. He just wanted to die. He wished death would take him too. He wanted to be with Jules more than anything.

"Let's get back to headquarters." Ed helped Sam to his feet. Raf did the same for Spike and they all moved together towards the door, the paramedics following. It was like a cynical, twisted funeral procession. The paramedics loaded Jules onto the ambulance. They gave the remaining broken team members a sad look before pulling away. No sirens were needed. The team watched the ambulance leave. It felt like their hearts were in that ambulance. It was almost like a sick and twisted ending to a movie, except it wasn't a movie. They didn't get to wipe off the fake blood and people didn't magically get to be okay. It was a never ending nightmare that they would never escape from.

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><p>Sam hadn't left the bed that he and Jules had shared only the night before. Someone had forced him to take a shower and put on some jeans and a t-shirt back at headquarters and driven him home, but after making sure he got inside, he hadn't moved. He was pretty sure his phone had run out of space for voicemails. He had ignored everyone who had banged on the door and eventually, everyone had left him alone. He didn't want to see anyone ever again. He wanted to spend the rest of his miserable life curled up on this bed, trying to remember every detail about Jules.<p>

"Jules. I can't do this without you." Sam spoke to himself. Her scent lingered on her pillow and he inhaled deeply. He wondered what he would do when his scent invaded. "Baby, I miss you." He could hear her laughs echoing through the bedroom. He could picture her curled up next to him. Sam pulled himself to his feet and walked over the dresser. He knew there was a way for him and Jules to be together again. "I never thought I would consider this, but Jules, I don't know how to live without you."

"Sam! You don't want to do this!" Spike spoke from the door, frozen in fear and shock. This was not the same Sam that he had worked with for almost two years now. Sam had pulled out the personal weapon he kept hidden and was bringing it up to his head. "Sam, God, I know it's bad. I lost my best friend. I know, I know how it feels. We all miss Jules but this is not the way." Spike had picked the lock on the door and quietly let himself in. He had been incredibly worried about Sam. Sarge had persisted until Spike let him in when Lou died and Spike felt like he should at least try for Sam.

"I can't do this." Sam had thought that he had managed to cry every tear from his body, but more tears began to fall. He was so close to being able to see Jules again. He would get to spend forever with her this way. "I love her. I want to be with her." Jules was just a few seconds away.

"Sam, I know you love her and miss her, but this isn't the way to be with her. She would be mad at you!" Spike felt like such a failure. He wasn't the best negotiator on the team and everyone knew it.

"I can't do this." Sam leveled the gun with his head and let out a sob. He couldn't handle any more of this. His father hated him, he had killed his best friend, and he had killed Jules. If he had taken her first, she would have made it. It wouldn't matter if he didn't have a job anymore, he would at least still have Jules.

"Sam, this wasn't your fault. It never was and never will be. Please, I'm here for you." Spike's voice had never sounded more broken. He wasn't sure he would make it if he saw Sam shoot himself. "I didn't think I was going to make it after Lou died. I really didn't, but you guys stepped up and kept me going." Sam had become more of a brother in the last year after all that they had gone through. They had survived people leaving the team and Dr. Toth. It just couldn't end like this.

"I loved her so much." Sam sobbed. He knew he was being selfish, but he couldn't handle it. He was a broken man. "I'm sorry." He whispered as his finger tightened on the trigger.


End file.
